Lover Of Finance Humor Pillows

'Leo, someday you'll thank me for your under-performing stocks, since money can't buy happiness.'

'Now that I have your attention...'

British savings accounts

'The check is in the email attachment.'

Will work for ETFs

Loan Alley

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

Jumping Wall Street.

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

'If you're out of quarterly earnings, I'll take the assets and liabilities breakdown.'

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

'What do you mean, the chart resembles an iceberg?'

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

"At least we're consistent ... "

Out of control

'If you must know... I got the ten-million-dollar bonus this year because... instead of losing 15-million-dollars, we could of possibly lost much, much more!'

'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

'Eureka! I found the gene that causes people to sell low and buy high!'

Proud Parent Of A Medical School Student With Huge Debt.

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

'I'd recommend against investing in hog futures - what sort of future could a hog have?'

"Okay, it if makes you feel better...yes, I have stock in a banana company."

In case of falling markets break glass.

'Your mortgage is under water...so what's the problem?'