Financial Comedy Fan Pillows

"Sure, it may be great for us, but it's hell on the markets."

"Here are the numbers you wanted cooked, sir."

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'

'First the good news, your portfolio was selected for Wall Street's Bloopers and Blunders.''

Dear Sir, You have been charged £35 for under-use of your bank account. . .

Black hole-in-the-wall at Jodrell Bank

'We rolled your account over like you said, sir, but now it won't stop rolling!'

'Now that I have your attention...'

British savings accounts

'The check is in the email attachment.'

Loan Alley

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

Jumping Wall Street.

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

Out of control

Greek Crisis

'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

'Eureka! I found the gene that causes people to sell low and buy high!'

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

'In today's market news, losers outnumbered those who were wiped out.'

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

Golden bubbles

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

In case of falling markets break glass.

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

'We've had a marginal advance-decline on a near-term buy-out, but no one knows if that translates as a downturn or an up-tick.'

'We stopped to smell the darn roses here!'