Financial Comedy Fan Prints

"Sure, it may be great for us, but it's hell on the markets."

"Here are the numbers you wanted cooked, sir."

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'

'First the good news, your portfolio was selected for Wall Street's Bloopers and Blunders.''

Dear Sir, You have been charged £35 for under-use of your bank account. . .

IRS. That was a rough audit. They disallowed all of my deductions! You can't claim all these people as dependents ... The business expenses are not correct ... and the charitable contributions don't meet guidelines. You're shredding my return with that?! Wow! Ut was The Taxes Chainsaw Massacre!

Black hole-in-the-wall at Jodrell Bank

'We rolled your account over like you said, sir, but now it won't stop rolling!'

'Now that I have your attention...'

British savings accounts

'The check is in the email attachment.'

Loan Alley

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

Jumping Wall Street.

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

Out of control

Greek Crisis

'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

'Eureka! I found the gene that causes people to sell low and buy high!'

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

Golden bubbles

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

'In today's market news, losers outnumbered those who were wiped out.'

In case of falling markets break glass.

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

"Okay, what if we go outside - will it still be insider trading then?"