Finance Humor Fan Pillows

'Seven 'provided', thirteen 'buts' and twenty seven 'ifs' - this is the best stockmarket forecast to clients I've ever read.'

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'

'Don't disconnect the life support until he's financially dead.'

"Look on the bright side, you'll be able to borrow money to pay your taxes at a record-low interest rates!"

'The difference between Micro and Macro economics is this: Macro is what you owe, and Micro is what you're paid.'

'We can help you make ends meet.'

"Well, Brown, according to the company profit sharing scheme..."

'It's 10pm, does anyone know how much the U.S. dollar is worth?'

"When the market slumps, Federman slumps."

Poor business outlook

'Oh well, at least it's breaking up the banks.'

ACME LOAN COMPANY, 'Sorry, kid - we don't do lunch money.'

'Now that I think about it, you're right: Like bankers, we thrive on the misfortune of others...'

"We must do something about the bloated, fat cat image bankers have a acquired...I think I'll settle for a bigger chair!"

River Bank Corp: Do not disturb! Counting federal bailout cover for executive bonuses and golden parachutes.

'Here it is - Render unto Romney that which is Romneys. . . Nothing about releasing my tax forms!'

'You have been pre-approved for another credit card.'

'I was up to my neck in debt: I filed for bankruptcy...'

"We will help you to evade taxes in dollars, Swiss Francs, Euros, Pounds....or even in dead mice and birds!"

"Roy and I met at an investment club."

"Just be patient. Greed always makes a comeback."

"The directors are concerned about your casual attitude, Simpson."

"I've managed to restrict my predatory behavior to my job at the car title loan company."

"No, no, he's not dead. IRS comes up here once a year to collect unpaid taxes."

"Bottom line: there is no bottom line."

'My bank merged with my finance company, and everything canceled out.'

'If Larry didn't stay in touch with his imaginary childhood friends, he wouldn't have any clients at all.'

"I was out of work once, but I got off my duff and cleaned out this rich old babe in Riverdale."

Gas: Taxpayers welcome! Spend your rebate here!

'I believe I said sell my American Dental stock and buy me $50,000 worth of their debentures.'

'I thought it was a training manual.'

'The money we invest goes to pay back other florists who have invested. It's just a pansy scheme.'

IRS, 'You filed your tax return two days late -- Why do you hate America?'

The classic 'large scale corporate raider' eventually, they end up catching themselves!!