Financial Humor Fans Pillows

"For someone your age, the yearly premium on a $5,000 policy is $8,000."

"Someday, gentlemen, I promise you - the heady days of 'Come a ti yi yippie yippie yay' will be back."

"I just need enough to file bankruptcy."

'One day, bull and bear will retire and then the both of us will be there to grab the good jobs at the stock exchange, eh, buddy?'

"We're going to sacrifice you to the gods, son, because it's so much cheaper than college."

'I'd like to roll my account over.', 'We're not responsible for any breakage, you know.'

'Today another financial firm went kerflooey and here with us is an expert to explain the economic impact of 'Kerflooey.''

"I used to be rich, but then the damned kitchen faucet had to be replaced."

"All my life I worked for a flat salary... As a result, I'm flat broke!"

'Not exactly a stimulus package.'

'He's consoling his debts.'

"If you don't have any cash, you can get a payday loan around the corner."

'Now that I have your attention...'

British savings accounts

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

Loan Alley

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

Money Bar.

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

Jumping Wall Street.