Financial Markets Joker Pillows

"Oh, him? He's the guy who changes the interest rate when it's set by the fed."

"That new drug causes flatulence."

Why markets crash.

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

'We decided the current system for reviewing corporation tax was too complex so we'll trial the 'think of a number and then double it' method.'

'In this class you will learn to apply the talents of creative writing to accounting.'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

During his financial report to the board of directors, Ted hits the poignancy button by mistake.

'All right, gentlemen, this is the current picture of our growth industry!'

"Your stork analyst is here, sir."

"Are you sure you haven't overvalued the worth of your business?"

'Wait a minute....!

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

IRS Audits. Do you have tax records? No, I pay about the same as most people.

GAS. If you have to ask, you probably can't afford it.

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

Investments.

"You gave us quite a scare there Mr. Edwards! We thought we lost your credit card information."

Happy New Year...we feel a little overtime won't hurt you.

'So, they weren't interested in your Robin Hood tax then.'

"Now, where was I?"

'I'm a 100% consistent investor. I buy bonds when I should buy stocks when I should buy bonds.'

'Dear sir, every month we place all bills in a big pile on the table, and select six at random for payment...'

'With the economy the way it is, there's no silver lining. In fact we sold that last week!'

Sales - We could try a 'free offer' but it would cost us.

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

'Yes, that's our bathroom. We're a startup, so plumbing and running water is a luxury.'

A rising tide may lift all boats but I sank all my savings in beachfront properties.

'My new investment counselor keeps referring to my stock portfolio as 'a financial aneurism waiting to happen'.'

"Of course we're not in a recession. No one has even jumped out of a window."

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

And if you help drive the herd all the way to Kansas City, you get to keep one steer for yourself! The first stock option.

"We've got a new financial advisor. I asked him how to cut down on out of pocket expenses and he said to stop wearing clothes with pockets."

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'