Financial Markets Joker Prints

"Oh, him? He's the guy who changes the interest rate when it's set by the fed."

"That new drug causes flatulence."

Why markets crash.

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

'We decided the current system for reviewing corporation tax was too complex so we'll trial the 'think of a number and then double it' method.'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

'In this class you will learn to apply the talents of creative writing to accounting.'

'All right, gentlemen, this is the current picture of our growth industry!'

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

'Wait a minute....!

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

During his financial report to the board of directors, Ted hits the poignancy button by mistake.

"You gave us quite a scare there Mr. Edwards! We thought we lost your credit card information."

Investments.

'So, they weren't interested in your Robin Hood tax then.'

Happy New Year...we feel a little overtime won't hurt you.

"Now, where was I?"

'I'm a 100% consistent investor. I buy bonds when I should buy stocks when I should buy bonds.'

'Dear sir, every month we place all bills in a big pile on the table, and select six at random for payment...'

'With the economy the way it is, there's no silver lining. In fact we sold that last week!'

Sales - We could try a 'free offer' but it would cost us.

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

'Yes, that's our bathroom. We're a startup, so plumbing and running water is a luxury.'

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

'My new investment counselor keeps referring to my stock portfolio as 'a financial aneurism waiting to happen'.'

"Of course we're not in a recession. No one has even jumped out of a window."

"We've got a new financial advisor. I asked him how to cut down on out of pocket expenses and he said to stop wearing clothes with pockets."

'Can you check my balance.'