Financial Joker Prints

"Your sole use of credit has been to purchase Chinese takeout food. That's why you can't get a mortgage."

'We decided the current system for reviewing corporation tax was too complex so we'll trial the 'think of a number and then double it' method.'

'The shareholders are in an uproar; they demand change. Bob, switch seats with Gerald.'

Sales - We could try a 'free offer' but it would cost us.

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

"Ms. Booth, when I said the 'Fundamentals are good', it means I get a commission whether clients buy or sell."

'Today the market corrected itself AND Leonard.'

'I came up here as phase two of a 'Buy Low, Sell High' strategy.'

I'm afraid your portfolio of shares looks like an accident waiting to happen.

'Hope you don't mind...because it's the holiday season, I've written 'Happy New Year' where the amount should be.'

Guess the size of my bonus and win a free lottery ticket.

"I once considered running away, but he gives me an incentive allowance bonus for remaining as a tax deduction."

Why markets crash.

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

'In this class you will learn to apply the talents of creative writing to accounting.'

During his financial report to the board of directors, Ted hits the poignancy button by mistake.

'Wait a minute....!

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

Note Book

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

"You gave us quite a scare there Mr. Edwards! We thought we lost your credit card information."

Happy New Year...we feel a little overtime won't hurt you.

Man on a unicycle trying to guard credit from nasty 'Bankruptcy'.

'So, they weren't interested in your Robin Hood tax then.'

"Oh, him? He's the guy who changes the interest rate when it's set by the fed."

'Dear sir, every month we place all bills in a big pile on the table, and select six at random for payment...'

'With the economy the way it is, there's no silver lining. In fact we sold that last week!'

'Yes, that's our bathroom. We're a startup, so plumbing and running water is a luxury.'

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

Economic Conference.

"Of course we're not in a recession. No one has even jumped out of a window."

'My new investment counselor keeps referring to my stock portfolio as 'a financial aneurism waiting to happen'.'

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'