Finance Humorists Gifts

"I'll take this too"

"O.K., don't e-mail this to anyone, but we're shorting black big time."

Maternity Ward - 'I wonder what his credit rating is...'

'I think you should conquer Switzerland now, before interest rates go up any higher.'

'...And then I was betrayed by my trust fund.'

'I know you didn't actually transact any business, but we do have a $2.00 cover charge.'

"Okay, I can offer you a loan with a 75% interest rate and serfdom for your first born. It's a great deal and I'm only offering it because you're my son."

"Sure, you have to spend money to make money, but first you have to steal money."

'You can double your money by investing for the long term with Tooth Fairy Investments LLC!'

Save our Bonuses.

"Our finances must look really bad...our online bank account just got hacked and the culprit donated 50 bucks!"

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

Will work for ETFs

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

Money Bar.

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."