Finance Humorist Gifts

"What about hiding it someplace further off-shore?"

'We are prepared to make you a loan, but first you have to prove that you really don't need it,'

'The new regulations arrived earlier today.'

"It's the S.E.C. How do you plead?"

'This one is by our 'creative accounting' department.'

'You want a loan, you say? Ha, Ha, that's a good one!....Where in the world did you hear that banks made loans?!'

"Forget keeping all your eggs in one basket. What you need is a nest egg..."

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'He's our finance director - kind of old school.'

"Oh, thank goodness! I think I just felt the bottom..."

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

'I'm sorry, Henry, but you're just not cost effective any more.'

Cash machine accounts frozen.

Financial Advisor: 'Oh, oh, here's your mistake - you developed your investment strategy from Jimmy, not Warren Buffett!'

'Remember, we all make mistakes. We're only human. It's not our fault that they just happen to all be in our favour.'

'Today the dollar fell against all currencies with strange sounding names.'

"Sure we have mortgage money. It's just that you can't have any."

'Harley manages our most aggressive growth fund.'

'Let's not rush into this investment thing too quickly, Maude. Remember, I've still got 6 payments left on your engagement ring.'

'I used to work for the Treasury Department, but there's no future in economic forecasts.'

"I'm just phoning to tell you your 'cheque in the post' has just arrived."

"Is the Bernanke rate still available?...You know low."

'I'm afraid at times like this with overstretched budgets we all have to make sacrifices.'

'I'd love to put you behind the wheel of this car. However, I doubt the bank will allow you to finance it for 30,000 months.'

Tell me about your portfolio.'

'Your rainbow needs more gold.'

"If my stock is split it must have been damaged when you bought it."

'Say, aren't you my old financial advisor?'

"You've heard of the bank that likes to say 'yes', well we're the bank that likes to say ****off."

'I invest in emerging markets.'

"We'll take the front, you go round the back."

Accountant

'Madoffoly'- a game no one can afford to play!

'Relax, Mr. Edwards! Here at Mega Financial Services, we're dedicated to making the separation of a fool from his money an enjoyable experience for everyone involved!'

'Your proposal was second to none. We went with none.'