Finance Humorist Pillows

"What about hiding it someplace further off-shore?"

'We are prepared to make you a loan, but first you have to prove that you really don't need it,'

'The new regulations arrived earlier today.'

"It's the S.E.C. How do you plead?"

'You want a loan, you say? Ha, Ha, that's a good one!....Where in the world did you hear that banks made loans?!'

'This one is by our 'creative accounting' department.'

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

"Oh, thank goodness! I think I just felt the bottom..."

'I'm sorry, Henry, but you're just not cost effective any more.'

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

"Sure we have mortgage money. It's just that you can't have any."

Financial Advisor: 'Oh, oh, here's your mistake - you developed your investment strategy from Jimmy, not Warren Buffett!'

'Remember, we all make mistakes. We're only human. It's not our fault that they just happen to all be in our favour.'

Cash machine accounts frozen.

'Today the dollar fell against all currencies with strange sounding names.'

"I'm just phoning to tell you your 'cheque in the post' has just arrived."

'I used to work for the Treasury Department, but there's no future in economic forecasts.'

'Harley manages our most aggressive growth fund.'

'I'm afraid at times like this with overstretched budgets we all have to make sacrifices.'

Tell me about your portfolio.'

'Let's not rush into this investment thing too quickly, Maude. Remember, I've still got 6 payments left on your engagement ring.'

'I'd love to put you behind the wheel of this car. However, I doubt the bank will allow you to finance it for 30,000 months.'

"Is the Bernanke rate still available?...You know low."

Accountant

'I invest in emerging markets.'

'Your rainbow needs more gold.'

"If my stock is split it must have been damaged when you bought it."

'Your proposal was second to none. We went with none.'

'Relax, Mr. Edwards! Here at Mega Financial Services, we're dedicated to making the separation of a fool from his money an enjoyable experience for everyone involved!'

"We'll take the front, you go round the back."

'Say, aren't you my old financial advisor?'

"You've heard of the bank that likes to say 'yes', well we're the bank that likes to say ****off."

"If you send these people $50 they'll tell you how to make money online."

"I'm combing our finances for all the disposable income I keep reading we have."

The Merchant Banker of Venice