Office Jokester Gifts

"Miss Harwood, please see to it that the halls are decked."

"Oh, I see you're busy, so I'll keep talking."

"I'm glad you called me. I've been cooped up in my office all day long."

'I appreciate the grovelling Whitworth, but don't lick my shoes - it ruins the leather!'

"None opposed? Good -- then the motion is carried to double the workload."

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

'We're wondering whether you'd fit into our corporate culture!'

The carrot and the stick.

'And the crazy thing is - I never knew I was such a funny guy until I got made boss!'

'Next time, we should clean up the microwave before it comes to this.'

'In celebration of Thanksgiving, this week's pie charts are all pumpkin flavored!'

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

'All I want is a chance to PROVE money can't make me happy.'

'I'm bringing you into the decision-making process, Ferguson - Pick a number between one and ten.'

'And one and two and let change through and three and four and collapse on the floor.'

'Taking the concept of 'Bank Holiday' a bit literally aren't we. . .?

'Recent research has shown that a spycam can greatly improve the honor code.'

'You seem to be coming along well, Harlen.'

"Are you listening to me?"

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last 4 bosses.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"And, when addressing subordinates, always use baby-talk." Insensitivity training

Pat on the back machine

'I think our only choice at this point is to take the next big step.'

'When I asked how much memory you had left I was asking about your computer, not you.'

'Our mission statement should be clearer once we figure out what the hell we do.'

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

'Yep, it's just what I suspected: You've sprung a leak in the main corporate coffee supply line!'

"We like to treat all our employees as individuals. This for example is individual No. P3604."

Friendly Fire: 'Good to see you, Geoff. . . wife and kids ok? How's the garden looking this summer? You're sacked!'

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

"If I put mustaches on all of us, we look more like a team."

'I received your list of the type of company car you'd like to receive. The Maserati, Ferrari, Porche and Viper isn't possible, but there is a 1978 Pinto with your name written all over it.'

"Here's your problem."