Office Jokester T-Shirts

"Miss Harwood, please see to it that the halls are decked."

"Oh, I see you're busy, so I'll keep talking."

'I appreciate the grovelling Whitworth, but don't lick my shoes - it ruins the leather!'

"None opposed? Good -- then the motion is carried to double the workload."

'We're wondering whether you'd fit into our corporate culture!'

The carrot and the stick.

'Next time, we should clean up the microwave before it comes to this.'

'In celebration of Thanksgiving, this week's pie charts are all pumpkin flavored!'

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

'All I want is a chance to PROVE money can't make me happy.'

'I'm bringing you into the decision-making process, Ferguson - Pick a number between one and ten.'

'And one and two and let change through and three and four and collapse on the floor.'

'Recent research has shown that a spycam can greatly improve the honor code.'

'Taking the concept of 'Bank Holiday' a bit literally aren't we. . .?

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last 4 bosses.'

"Are you listening to me?"

'You seem to be coming along well, Harlen.'

'When I asked how much memory you had left I was asking about your computer, not you.'

Pat on the back machine

'I think our only choice at this point is to take the next big step.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"And, when addressing subordinates, always use baby-talk." Insensitivity training

"We like to treat all our employees as individuals. This for example is individual No. P3604."

Friendly Fire: 'Good to see you, Geoff. . . wife and kids ok? How's the garden looking this summer? You're sacked!'

'Our mission statement should be clearer once we figure out what the hell we do.'

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

'Yep, it's just what I suspected: You've sprung a leak in the main corporate coffee supply line!'

"If I put mustaches on all of us, we look more like a team."

"This afternoon we'll have a breakout session...but I wouldn't advise breaking out too far."

'We don't have a pension plan. Nobody has ever worked here that long.'

Good solution. Now we need a good problem.

You can discriminate against some of your employees some of the time, all of your employees some of the time, some of your employees all of the time, or I suppose you could study this.'

'Our job will be to drag the competition down to our level.'

Boring meeting