Office Life Jokester Gifts

"The beatings will continue until the morale improves!"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

Another day at work would be one too many...

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

"It's so cute when the boss brings his son to work and pretends to let him help out!"

'I don't like our new copier, it sliced my report into hundreds of tiny strips.'

"You're good at asking all the right questions. Now let's hear some right answers."

Chritmas Party - "What in our own time?"

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

'I recognize the face ... I just can't pin down the name.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

He likes to make work fun

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

"If you really want to get ahead you'll need to stop licking your own butt and start licking mine."

Corporate Ladder and Corporate Elevator

"Consider this job a reality show where you work your butt off 14 hours a day. If you win, you'll get a paycheck and the chance to do it all over again next week."

'Don't disturb me - I'm in conference!'

"Make sure the coffee has extra caffeine. I want the employees awake during overtime."

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

'Tell your boss we represent an independent watchdog committee.'