Office Life Humorist Gifts

'I know government contracts saved us, but I still don't think we should have to hear the national anthem every morning.'

"He's young- I don't like that in a man."

"Hayward and his whole deal have just been dumped in my lap."

Computer requests replacement part for human operator.

'As an intern of course you get all the menial work to do - we're trying to prepare you for the type of job you're likely to get when you graduate!'

'Counting sheep won't put you to sleep. Why don't you imagine you're at the office.'

Boss out of work.

Cleaner, scrubs floor with her name plate in front of her.

"I consider restroom breaks leisure time. You'll be timed and docked accordingly."

"When my grandad retired you got a gold watch, I was told I could pop back and ask the time when they weren't too busy for me."

Ant Drones

"Looks like we found the issue."

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'That's our mission statement.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'