Office Humorist Gifts

"'Season's Greetings' looks O.K. to me. Let's run it by the legal department."

'Who vetted that leader?'

"Remember, now-you're sense, I'm sensibility."

"Perhaps we're overthinking the situation."

"Run it by legal." "Run it by accounting."

'Outcomes...normally we just measure the height of the files.'

'I don't get it...after all the budget cuts to streamline the work force, why aren't we moving faster.'

"Honesty is the best policy, Fernbaugh, but it's not company policy."

"The resolution has been made and seconded that we stick our heads in the sand."

"Obviously, wishful thinking alone won't turn things around. It's going to take wishful thinking combined with some powerful new jargon!"

'Damn this paperless office!'

"Well that answers the question 'Does the CEO understand what we do?'!"

"Looks like we found the issue."

'He's free range.'

'My instincts and intuitions are on opposing sides on this legal strategy.'

Woman walks past a sign in an office that reads "Sycophant of the month".

'Chief Cook and Bottle Washer.'

"Do you come here often?"

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

Change Management: Here There,,,'We thought we'd put in the detail later,'

'This is gobbledygook. I asked for mumbo-jumbo.'

Desk plaque: 'The buck pauses, but does not actually stop here.'

'Hey, everyone! I think I found the bottleneck!'

'Yep, that does sound like an ethical dilemma, Phil. But relax... it's only a problem if you have a conscience.' 'That's just it! I think I do!!' 'Don't worry, I won't tell a soul.'

A deadline comes to chew up a worker.

'A mediator hasn't worked, so I brought in everyone's moms.'

'I've been restructured.'

'That's our mission statement.'

'But before we move on, allow me to belabor the point even further...'

"I think we're all agreed that we need to focus 110% on meeting strategic corporate goals."

'The sales team did all they could, so I'd have to say the blame for that must fall on the consumer.'

"Not the most impressive strategic plan I've ever seen."

Desk bins: 'Action' 'Action-Worthy' 'Action-ific'... 'Actually Done' (Nothing).

'Don't let it throw you - It's just a negotiating tactic.'

Morris was finding it more difficult to adjust to the idea of a 'paperless' office than many.