Workplace Humorist Gifts

'As a part of a cost-cutting experiment all of our safety measures will be replaced with these good luck charms.'

'Just put those safety awards on the table.'

Man putting up accident prevention sign falls off ladder.

We can offer volunteers a range of experiences including exhaustion,emotional overload,lack of support and stark terror.

'If I was wearing my 'what'?!'

'It's okay, I'm wearing safety contact lenses.'

'This organization has a blame culture. And that's all Jeremy's fault.'

'Sorry, I can't take your order right now...I'm on my coffee break.'

The carrot and the stick.

'Time for your annual performance rating, Fenwick. Take one step forward.'

'I got this feeling I know who's gonna be the employee of the month.'

Suggestion box: 'Build a bigger Complaints box'.

"Make photocopies of this memo, informing staff to reduce the use of paper and distribute it to all of our staff."

How Are My Safe Work Habits? Call 1-800-555-safe.

"We offer competitive pay, good benefits and an attractive severance package."

Global Inc.'s 'valued employees.'

'It's saving us a fortune on retirement costs.'

'I didn't just jump to conclusions. I hopped and skipped first.'

You don't have to be crazy to work here. WE CAN TRAIN YOU.

'Taking the concept of 'Bank Holiday' a bit literally aren't we. . .?

'And that's the boss. Nice enough guy, but wood from the neck up, if you know what I mean!'

'Maybe if your buttons weren't so big, Mel, people wouldn't be so inclined to push them!'

"I say, if at first you don't succeed, redefine success."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'Sorry, but we already know who we're going to hire for our new ethics director. We just posted the job for show.'

Performance management: "We decided to get rid of the carrot and keep the stick."

Suggestions go straight in the bin.

Pat on the back machine

'What can I say, Carol... I'm whelmed.'

'I recommend this to get rid of that stupid little voice whispering 'Don't forget to act ethical and responsible'!

'We're looking for someone who can multitask - but not during the interview.'

"The corporate culture here? It's Junior High School without the acne."

'Until this economy thing straightens out, you'll be working out of your car.'

'You weren't here to say no.'

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"