Work Humorist Gifts

'We found the donut to be more of an incentive for him.'

'To be honest, I've never known for my work ethic.'

I was rapidly rising to my level of incompetence, so I started screwing up just enough to maintain job security.

"Just a few more pages, Hansen, and we'll take a short break."

Employment Agency. I didn't hire him -- Those bipedal guys are are afraid to get their hands dirty.

'Wake up, Jim. It's time for your break.'

Joe's Bar: Gentlemen must wear blue collars.

Janitor on the Job Training.

"Here at Consolidated Megacorp we carry on a proud tradition of marginal competence."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

"Looks like we found the issue."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'That's our mission statement.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"I believe we've found the weakest link."