Office Humorists Gifts

'A ceiling? All this time I thought it was a floor.'

It's never too late/It's never too early.

'Speaking for myself and every other right-thinking person...'

"It's amazing. I hear some of them can endure the same boring, pointless positions for years on end!"

'Don't worry! Since 28% of my salary goes to the government, I've decided to work 72% of the time!'

"We don't fire people here, Thompson, we tag them and release them into the wild."

To save space, we eliminated hallways and doors, by adding catwalk and ladders.

"My new job involves leadership, what do you think I should do?"

"Hey Kevin! Care to enter the office football pool?"

'I'm pretty sure I have a Ph.D. I think one came bundled with my new computer.'

Mourning break.

"I really wish you'd come to me first with your problems, Tom, before going on the "World's Worst Bosses' reality show!"

'As an unpaid intern, Peabody, I think you're the ideal person to explain to the workforce why it is necessary for me to cut their pay in these difficult times for business.'

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

'Looking for a job with better conditions?'

Dynamic Decision Makers: Will Probably Be back in an Hour or so

'I knew him when he was just the tea boy.'

'Lately, Foster, your mumbo jumbo has become too understandable.'

'I lost my shoe, but I got my foot in the door.'

"Pamela, cancel my lunch with Cosgrove, set up a meeting with legal, bring me the Hutson file, then go out and smell some roses for me."

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

'Of course there are more bureaucrats than field workers! It's more fun to create regulation, than to actually enforce it!'

'We're rich beyond our wildest dreams. We've struck printer ink!'

'Now that you've hired me, who do I see about asking for a raise?'

'Step in here Henshaw, I need a hug'.

"No! - We all agreed that FRIDAY would be Dress-Down Day."

'I'd like to hire you, but I'm away an awful lot.'

"The aspirin there is your medical benefit and here is your vision benefit."

"ICE! Let's see everybody's green card."

"We're showing a profit this quarter not even including ill-gotten gains."

"I'm the ghost of no-Christmas-for-you!"

"Hey, Al! Do we hyphenate 'Doo Hickey?'"

Great Team Members Wanted

'ANOTHER Shakespeare play?!! Look, all we wanted was the user manual for a sandwich maker.'

'This computer can trick people into thinking it's human.'