Office Humorists Gifts

'A ceiling? All this time I thought it was a floor.'

It's never too late/It's never too early.

'Speaking for myself and every other right-thinking person...'

"It's amazing. I hear some of them can endure the same boring, pointless positions for years on end!"

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

'Don't worry! Since 28% of my salary goes to the government, I've decided to work 72% of the time!'

To save space, we eliminated hallways and doors, by adding catwalk and ladders.

"We don't fire people here, Thompson, we tag them and release them into the wild."

"My new job involves leadership, what do you think I should do?"

'I'm pretty sure I have a Ph.D. I think one came bundled with my new computer.'

"Hey Kevin! Care to enter the office football pool?"

Mourning break.

"I really wish you'd come to me first with your problems, Tom, before going on the "World's Worst Bosses' reality show!"

'I knew him when he was just the tea boy.'

'As an unpaid intern, Peabody, I think you're the ideal person to explain to the workforce why it is necessary for me to cut their pay in these difficult times for business.'

Dynamic Decision Makers: Will Probably Be back in an Hour or so

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

'Looking for a job with better conditions?'

'Lately, Foster, your mumbo jumbo has become too understandable.'

'I lost my shoe, but I got my foot in the door.'

'I'd like to hire you, but I'm away an awful lot.'

'Of course there are more bureaucrats than field workers! It's more fun to create regulation, than to actually enforce it!'

"Pamela, cancel my lunch with Cosgrove, set up a meeting with legal, bring me the Hutson file, then go out and smell some roses for me."

"No! - We all agreed that FRIDAY would be Dress-Down Day."

'Step in here Henshaw, I need a hug'.

"The aspirin there is your medical benefit and here is your vision benefit."

'Now that you've hired me, who do I see about asking for a raise?'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

'We're rich beyond our wildest dreams. We've struck printer ink!'

'Tell one more person where to go and you're fired.'

Sandra can you step in here a minute and lie on the floor? And bring a ramp.

'Sit up straight and fix your hair mister, who was that young hussy that I saw you speaking too?...'

"We're showing a profit this quarter not even including ill-gotten gains."

Two week's rehearsing vicious phone revenge were just sucked dry by 5 minutes of menu options.

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'