Office Humor Enthusiasts Gifts

"Hey! I was looking all over for you. You have the wrong piece of paper."

"Because of inflation, I'm going to have to let two of you go."

"Now, that's more ergonomic..."

"Let's never forget that the public's desire for transparency has to be balanced by our need for concealment."

'We're going to have to let you go...we've found someone in china who's 45% better at being you for 24% less.'

Getting employees involved in decision making can help give them a sense of ownership. Sometimes, a little too much.

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

'Any questions?'

'Go thru the files and get rid of everything that's over ten years old...but make copies!'

'Your job description is fairly simple: Stay in your cubicle and try not to make things worse.'

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

"Hi, I'm Hugo -- I'll be your compliance officer."

"Press these flowers into a scanner and e-mail them to my wife please, Monique"

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

'Npotcz? I think it's one of those new government regulatory agencies.'

'The quarterly earnings don't look good. We seem to be in a bit of a slump.'

'We have an opening that will suit you perfectly. It's marked Exit.'

'We're ready to move you to the top, Hopkins... but we don't know how much loneliness you can tolerate.'

"...I don't know where we'll find anybody to work for the wages you did."

'You know what I like about being the boss? I can take as long as I like to make a snap decision.'

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

'I know it's difficult to stay in compliance, with everything, Ferguson, but this is ridiculous!'

'Loophole, Loophole and Smith Accountants'

"Let's just issue last year's annual report and see if anyone notices."

Course 'Management Skills and Employee Motivation', 09 AM - 05 PM, No breaks!

'You said you wanted to start off at the top, well, I agree. I'm having your desk moved up here as we speak.'

I use to file your expenses at the office Mr. Henderson, but I never dreamed I'd be one of them.

When he was between Executive Assistants, filing became a challenge for Jonathan.

'Hard day at work, dear?'

Overworked GPs.

CEO Bonus - 'Those in favor of my exhorbitant bonus say 'aye'. Those opposed say, 'Good heavens, I've been shot!'

'We don't insist on over time. However, to clock out you have to get past our guard dogs.'

'In hindsight, we should have spent more on marketing than entertainment.'

one man finishes another's sneeze as a team.

'The boss finally noticed me today. He said I should wear deodrant.'