Office Humor Aficionados Gifts

A man is balancing on two chairs to hang a 'safety first' sign.

"Yes, but you're a half hour late in dog minutes."

'....let me introduce Beelzebub from HR, he'll sort out your contract.'

Idiot's Guide to Management and Management's Guide to Idiots.

Smith and Son Financial Services. (Son in playpen behind desk).

'I, along with some of the other employees, feel you're abusing the break room.'

'How did the meeting go?'

'We will no longer make major decisions based upon our playing 'one potato; two potato'...'

"Well we've had our 15% budget cut confirmed,nobody's applied for our vacancies and we're moving the office into the Portocabin in the carpark. Item 2 staff morale."

Where do you see yourself in five years? 35.

'My new job at the rubber stamp company didn't work out.'

Which reminds me Fishlock - I want to see you.

'There's a hole in the women's restroom wall!', 'I have some men looking into it.'

'What I like about working for Castle.com is the long term stability.'

Bureaucrats held up by the workers.

'Your loyalty to the company is exemplary, Potter, but we'll have to let you go if you can't stop chewing up the conference room furniture!'

The Buck Stops Here.

"I heard you're top dog in trust and loyalty training."

'My God! It's Fradon, Burns, Marcus, Busino and Fuller!'

"Hi, I'm the efficiency expert you hired, and... Oh, heck! -- I forgot my briefcase again!"

'Regarding my Sunday sermon which you typed up, Ms. Sims...it's not 'Saddam and Gomorrah'...'

"So you've been here three years. Just what is your name? I need it for the downsizing list."

The Workplace Dress Code

"Come in, I've been expecting you..."

"I preferred it when you micromanaged more openly."

"Oh, I wouldn't call Time dead wood. Dead wood can be burned and serve a useful purpose. He's more like wet toilet paper."

"They have to keep me - I'm the only one here who knows how to answer a landline call."

"We'd better get over there. The morning coffee scrum has already started."

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

'Please arrange these in alphabetical order. . . then shred them .'

"His Majesty's lawyer will see you now, followed by His Majesty's agent, after which His Majesty the King will, if all goes well, see you."

"We're a prestigious department, yet we have only three active prima donnas."

It's time, sir. Why don't you go first today. Ahem. Monkey Vicodin finance home office. Elongated African banking sex freak. The contest to see who got the day's weirdest email subject line. Spammers, we have a tie.

Corporate Scapegoat of the Month (Poster hanging on company hallway)

"Great News - we've secured an MOD contract to supply the Falklands Defence Force!"