Office Life Humorists Gifts

"My wife is about to have a baby, so I was wondering if you could make me work late for the next eighteen years or so."

'Henderson! Have you been drinking again?'

'Haven't they ever heard of walls around here?'

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

"Looks like we found the issue."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

'That's our mission statement.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"