Job Seeker Jokester Gifts

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'

"and we have a great incentive plan. The first time your late, your fired"

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

'We like to find just the right slot for our people.'

'Are you free at the moment?'

'When I said you'd have to jump through hoops, I meant you'll have to literally jump through hoops.'

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

"We are looking for temps, but I'm afraid you're too temp for us."

"So, Ms. Mayfly. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"I only live for 24 hours, so I need a temp job that pays big bugs."

"Of course there are some advantages to working here...we have a Food Bank situated conveniently at the end of the street!"

"That's great that you're on 8 different social media sites, but how are you at bank reconciliations, accounts payable, and working?"

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

"You remind me very much of myself when I was your age, Carter, and there is no way that this company would employ such a person."

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

'Well... I guess it's time to look for a new job...'

"We need someone who's responsible."

'Says you like to play practical jokes.'

'I'm not sure that mentioning your diploma in 'Monkey Business' really helps your resume...'

"Don't worry mate... We've rung for an economist."

"I expected you would write something."

Will work for question marks.

"I want to get him something for Christmas he's never had before."

"I see by your r?sum? that i should have looked at it before inviting you for an interview."

"This is an impressive resume, but do you have other experience besides 'barking a lot'?"

"This resume appears to cover only the last forty-five minutes."

'Let me clarify something, Simpkins. . . I didn't say you were going to Mexico. . . I said your job is going to Mexico.'

'Special skills? Well, I've been told I make a mean martini!'

'Your work experience, résumé and references are all perfectly adequate...but nothing seems to stand out.'

"Give us a few days and we'll call to tell you we've given the job to someone else."

'Inadequate, insecure, obsessive lacking in empathy or commitment...excellent, when can you start?'