Job Seeker Chuckler Gifts

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

"This resume appears to cover only the last forty-five minutes."

"We are looking for temps, but I'm afraid you're too temp for us."

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"What's your occupation?"

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

'We like to find just the right slot for our people.'

'Are you free at the moment?'

When staffing agencies screw up.

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

'Ambitious? You sit there admitting you're a troublemaker!'

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

"That's great that you're on 8 different social media sites, but how are you at bank reconciliations, accounts payable, and working?"

"You cleaned out your desk so efficiently you've been rehired and placed in charge of Housekeeping."

"Oh yes, I'm very adept at using office machines. I can operate soda machines, candy machines, coffee machines..."

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'

'Well... I guess it's time to look for a new job...'

'One question before I take the job...is this a safe workplace?'

"Very impressive. Leave it with me. Mommy will get back to you by the week."

'Do we have a dental plan?..Oh sure. Big Kenny here,takes care of all tooth extractions.'

'I'm not sure that mentioning your diploma in 'Monkey Business' really helps your resume...'

"I want to get him something for Christmas he's never had before."

Can You Dance?

"I expected you would write something."

"This is an impressive resume, but do you have other experience besides 'barking a lot'?"

"I see by your r?sum? that i should have looked at it before inviting you for an interview."

Will work for question marks.

'We were going to hire you, but a background check showed you pulled a girl's ponytail in the 2nd grade. We don't need abusive people working here.'

'Special skills? Well, I've been told I make a mean martini!'

'Your work experience, résumé and references are all perfectly adequate...but nothing seems to stand out.'