Funny Job Seeker Gifts

'Special skills? Well, I've been told I make a mean martini!'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"What's your occupation?"

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

'We like to find just the right slot for our people.'

Urine Catcher

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

When staffing agencies screw up.

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

"We are looking for temps, but I'm afraid you're too temp for us."

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

'Ambitious? You sit there admitting you're a troublemaker!'

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

"That's great that you're on 8 different social media sites, but how are you at bank reconciliations, accounts payable, and working?"

"You cleaned out your desk so efficiently you've been rehired and placed in charge of Housekeeping."

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

"Oh yes, I'm very adept at using office machines. I can operate soda machines, candy machines, coffee machines..."

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'

'Well... I guess it's time to look for a new job...'

'One question before I take the job...is this a safe workplace?'

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

'We need someone to walk the plants.'

"Very impressive. Leave it with me. Mommy will get back to you by the week."

"Mum, can I work in a morgue"