Funny Job Seeker Gifts

'Special skills? Well, I've been told I make a mean martini!'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

"What's your occupation?"

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

'We like to find just the right slot for our people.'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

Urine Catcher

When staffing agencies screw up.

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"We are looking for temps, but I'm afraid you're too temp for us."

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'Ambitious? You sit there admitting you're a troublemaker!'

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

"You cleaned out your desk so efficiently you've been rehired and placed in charge of Housekeeping."

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

"That's great that you're on 8 different social media sites, but how are you at bank reconciliations, accounts payable, and working?"

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'

"Oh yes, I'm very adept at using office machines. I can operate soda machines, candy machines, coffee machines..."

'We need someone to walk the plants.'

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

'One question before I take the job...is this a safe workplace?'

'Well... I guess it's time to look for a new job...'

"Very impressive. Leave it with me. Mommy will get back to you by the week."

'I'm not sure that mentioning your diploma in 'Monkey Business' really helps your resume...'

"Mum, can I work in a morgue"