Ironic Job Seeker Gifts

"You cleaned out your desk so efficiently you've been rehired and placed in charge of Housekeeping."

'Ambitious? You sit there admitting you're a troublemaker!'

Can You Dance?

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"What's your occupation?"

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

Urine Catcher

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

"On your application it says you've been a circus clown, an orthopaedic surgeon and a molecular biologist."

When staffing agencies screw up.

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"We are looking for temps, but I'm afraid you're too temp for us."

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'

'Well... I guess it's time to look for a new job...'

Employment demands

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'