Ironic Job Seeker Pillows

"You cleaned out your desk so efficiently you've been rehired and placed in charge of Housekeeping."

'Ambitious? You sit there admitting you're a troublemaker!'

Can You Dance?

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"What's your occupation?"

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

Urine Catcher

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

"On your application it says you've been a circus clown, an orthopaedic surgeon and a molecular biologist."

When staffing agencies screw up.

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

"We are looking for temps, but I'm afraid you're too temp for us."

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

Employment demands

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'One question before I take the job...is this a safe workplace?'

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'

'Well... I guess it's time to look for a new job...'