Job Seeker Satirist Pillows

"Sorry - we require at least three fake references."

...becoming a restaurant critic

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

'Yes, can I help you?'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"What's your occupation?"

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

'We've replaced the hiring bonus and the health coverage with a promise of a job.'

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'

"You'll be allowed to work from home two days a week... Saturday and Sunday."

'I don't think I could have picked a tougher line of work.'

'W e e e l l . . . my mum says I'm good at testing the patience of saints'

'I'm looking for someone to bask in my glow.'

'I like your appearance. I'm sure we can find you a place in the company.'

"Of course there is still a lot of stigma attached to being undead, I hardly ever get past the interview stage."

'Ambitious? You sit there admitting you're a troublemaker!'

Right,so you're looking for someone with magic circle experience in M&A ,litigation and finance with a set of blue chip clients and the freedom to work ANYWHERE...would you like them to walk on water and turn water into wine as well?

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

"You cleaned out your desk so efficiently you've been rehired and placed in charge of Housekeeping."

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'

'Can you dance?'

"Our plan is to hire the first person we find not under federal investigation."

"I've got to be honest. It's going to be hard to find you a position that offers 40 days of personal time."

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

"You remind me very much of myself when I was your age, Carter, and there is no way that this company would employ such a person."

"I see by your r?sum? that i should have looked at it before inviting you for an interview."

Personnel - "I liked the one that saluted."

"Your resume looks good, but I'm not seeing any DNA data."

"I called you back for a second interview to show you the origami I make with your résumé."

Job Centre: Settle for Early Retirement.

Can You Dance?

Will work for question marks.

'Special skills? Well, I've been told I make a mean martini!'

'Your work experience, résumé and references are all perfectly adequate...but nothing seems to stand out.'