Satirical Job Seeker Pillows

'Your resume is written in crayon, and under experience you have computer games. You've never had a real job, have you?'

'Yes, can I help you?'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

"What's your occupation?"

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

'We've replaced the hiring bonus and the health coverage with a promise of a job.'

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

"You'll be allowed to work from home two days a week... Saturday and Sunday."

'I don't think I could have picked a tougher line of work.'

'W e e e l l . . . my mum says I'm good at testing the patience of saints'

"We are looking for temps, but I'm afraid you're too temp for us."

'Ambitious? You sit there admitting you're a troublemaker!'

'I like your appearance. I'm sure we can find you a place in the company.'

'I'm looking for someone to bask in my glow.'

Right,so you're looking for someone with magic circle experience in M&A ,litigation and finance with a set of blue chip clients and the freedom to work ANYWHERE...would you like them to walk on water and turn water into wine as well?

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

"You cleaned out your desk so efficiently you've been rehired and placed in charge of Housekeeping."

'Can you dance?'

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

"Our plan is to hire the first person we find not under federal investigation."

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'

"I've got to be honest. It's going to be hard to find you a position that offers 40 days of personal time."

'You're a spineless, craven, frightened little man, Bradberg - I like that in an employee.'

'My investment advice is to relax, stop and smell the roses, dig up the roses, bury a million dollars beneath the roses.'

"Your resume looks good, but I'm not seeing any DNA data."

John Dryden

Personnel - "I liked the one that saluted."

Will work for question marks.

"I see by your r?sum? that i should have looked at it before inviting you for an interview."

Job Centre: Settle for Early Retirement.

Can You Dance?