Job Seeker Satirist Gifts

"Sorry - we require at least three fake references."

...becoming a restaurant critic

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

'Yes, can I help you?'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"What's your occupation?"

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

'We've replaced the hiring bonus and the health coverage with a promise of a job.'

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'

"You'll be allowed to work from home two days a week... Saturday and Sunday."

'W e e e l l . . . my mum says I'm good at testing the patience of saints'

'I don't think I could have picked a tougher line of work.'

"Of course there is still a lot of stigma attached to being undead, I hardly ever get past the interview stage."

'I'm looking for someone to bask in my glow.'

'Ambitious? You sit there admitting you're a troublemaker!'

'I like your appearance. I'm sure we can find you a place in the company.'

Right,so you're looking for someone with magic circle experience in M&A ,litigation and finance with a set of blue chip clients and the freedom to work ANYWHERE...would you like them to walk on water and turn water into wine as well?

"You cleaned out your desk so efficiently you've been rehired and placed in charge of Housekeeping."

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

"Our plan is to hire the first person we find not under federal investigation."

'Can you dance?'

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

"I've got to be honest. It's going to be hard to find you a position that offers 40 days of personal time."

"You remind me very much of myself when I was your age, Carter, and there is no way that this company would employ such a person."

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

"Your resume looks good, but I'm not seeing any DNA data."

"I'm afraid you may be overqualified for the shelf-stacking role."

"I see by your r?sum? that i should have looked at it before inviting you for an interview."

Personnel - "I liked the one that saluted."

Job Centre: Settle for Early Retirement.

Will work for question marks.

Can You Dance?

"I called you back for a second interview to show you the origami I make with your résumé."