Job Search Satirist Gifts

'Can you dance?'

'Yes, can I help you?'

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

Dolestart - A New Initiative

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

'Are you free at the moment?'

'We've replaced the hiring bonus and the health coverage with a promise of a job.'

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'

'Job satisfaction is up, because there are fewer jobs.'

"You'll be allowed to work from home two days a week... Saturday and Sunday."

'I don't think I could have picked a tougher line of work.'

'W e e e l l . . . my mum says I'm good at testing the patience of saints'

"Of course there is still a lot of stigma attached to being undead, I hardly ever get past the interview stage."

'I'm looking for someone to bask in my glow.'

'I like your appearance. I'm sure we can find you a place in the company.'

"So, Ms. Mayfly. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

Right,so you're looking for someone with magic circle experience in M&A ,litigation and finance with a set of blue chip clients and the freedom to work ANYWHERE...would you like them to walk on water and turn water into wine as well?

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'

"You remind me very much of myself when I was your age, Carter, and there is no way that this company would employ such a person."

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

"Our plan is to hire the first person we find not under federal investigation."

"Well we are looking for people with a wide range of skills."

"I've got to be honest. It's going to be hard to find you a position that offers 40 days of personal time."

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

'No experience necessary. We'll train you!'

"This job starts out at $50,000 and tops out at $75,000 after three years."

"My youngest is at the age when she can barely comprehend cost effective analysis."

"I called you back for a second interview to show you the origami I make with your résumé."

"The kid next door is doing a school project on heighborhood success stories and wanted to talk to you. I laughed so hard I wet my pants."

Personnel - "I liked the one that saluted."

Will work for question marks.

"I see by your r?sum? that i should have looked at it before inviting you for an interview."

Job Centre: Settle for Early Retirement.

No, Dad, they didn't give me a key to the 'executive washroom' with my promotion. These days you get the pin number to the unisex lounge.