Job Satirist Gifts

'I don't think I could have picked a tougher line of work.'

'Fetching is a good job, but there's no room for advancement.'

Supermarket trolley driver receives training.

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"You're fired."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

Torturing the English Language

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

Trump pardons

We Tenatively Oppose War on Strictly Procedural Grounds

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

UK border controls relaxed.

Employee won't think about work outside of box

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

No-Work Orange

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

Sign - Halt manager crossing

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

Ghostwriting the Bible