Job Seeker Humor Gifts

'You do realize that this isn't going to look good on my resume?'

'Your work experience, résumé and references are all perfectly adequate...but nothing seems to stand out.'

'Offices with windows are scarce. How about one with a peephole?'

"What we're really looking for is a beginner with experience."

"I see by your r?sum? that i should have looked at it before inviting you for an interview."

"I'm sorry, you didn't get the job....but you got second place!"

Will work for question marks.

'Have you worked at a non-profit before?' 'Yes! and believe it or not, they blamed me!'

'You'd be right for us if we decide to lower our standards.'

'I told the interviewer that I walked away from a six-figure job. I just left out the part about the security escort.'

'I didn't pass the written exam.'

"And this is our head of HR who will be arranging your contract."

"Oh, I saw it coming a mile away - just not quite that forcefully."

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

"And what makes you think you have the necessary qualities for working on the bins?"

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

"What's your occupation?"

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

"There's another one of those blokes that work from home."

'Are you free at the moment?'

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

"We are looking for temps, but I'm afraid you're too temp for us."

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

'Scoutmasters aren't usually used as references.'

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

Bit of a mix-up. The advert should have said 'Stalactite wanted'

"Oh yes, I'm very adept at using office machines. I can operate soda machines, candy machines, coffee machines..."

'Well... I guess it's time to look for a new job...'

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'

Not only have we been laid off, but, being small, we can crawl through air ducts with ease.

Well the good news is that you'll be leading the team...And the BAD news...you ARE the team!

"This resume appears to cover only the last forty-five minutes."

'Special skills? Well, I've been told I make a mean martini!'