Job Seeker Jokes Gifts

'Well... I guess it's time to look for a new job...'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

"What's your occupation?"

"There's another one of those blokes that work from home."

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

'Are you free at the moment?'

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"We are looking for temps, but I'm afraid you're too temp for us."

'Scoutmasters aren't usually used as references.'

"I only live for 24 hours, so I need a temp job that pays big bugs."

"Of course there are some advantages to working here...we have a Food Bank situated conveniently at the end of the street!"

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

"Oh yes, I'm very adept at using office machines. I can operate soda machines, candy machines, coffee machines..."

"This is an impressive resume, but do you have other experience besides 'barking a lot'?"

"I expected you would write something."

Not only have we been laid off, but, being small, we can crawl through air ducts with ease.

"I want to get him something for Christmas he's never had before."

Will work for question marks.

"I see by your r?sum? that i should have looked at it before inviting you for an interview."

Well the good news is that you'll be leading the team...And the BAD news...you ARE the team!

"This resume appears to cover only the last forty-five minutes."

'Special skills? Well, I've been told I make a mean martini!'

'Your work experience, résumé and references are all perfectly adequate...but nothing seems to stand out.'

"Give us a few days and we'll call to tell you we've given the job to someone else."

'Inadequate, insecure, obsessive lacking in empathy or commitment...excellent, when can you start?'

"Do you ever feel like you're just here for the paycheck?"

'I told the interviewer that I walked away from a six-figure job. I just left out the part about the security escort.'

"And this is our head of HR who will be arranging your contract."

"I don't know why I never got a second interview. I thought I killed the first one."