Unemployment Satirist Gifts

Unemployment Insurance: 'Did you look for work this week?'

'Yes, can I help you?'

"Progress is going around in the same circle...but faster."

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

'We've replaced the hiring bonus and the health coverage with a promise of a job.'

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'

"You'll be allowed to work from home two days a week... Saturday and Sunday."

"Endless Summer III"

'W e e e l l . . . my mum says I'm good at testing the patience of saints'

'The rich get richer, the poorer get poorer..' '..And the comfortably off stay comfortably off!'

'I'm looking for someone to bask in my glow.'

"Of course there is still a lot of stigma attached to being undead, I hardly ever get past the interview stage."

'I like your appearance. I'm sure we can find you a place in the company.'

Concerned Colleagues

Right,so you're looking for someone with magic circle experience in M&A ,litigation and finance with a set of blue chip clients and the freedom to work ANYWHERE...would you like them to walk on water and turn water into wine as well?

'I've got my bandages to protect me!'

'Last chance to give for next 400 yards.'

"I've got to be honest. It's going to be hard to find you a position that offers 40 days of personal time."

"Our plan is to hire the first person we find not under federal investigation."

'Can you dance?'

'No experience necessary. We'll train you!'

"What do you think of the new cubicles?"

Personnel - "I liked the one that saluted."

Job Centre: Settle for Early Retirement.

'The destiny of untrained seals'

"Your resume looks good, but I'm not seeing any DNA data."

"I'm afraid you may be overqualified for the shelf-stacking role."

This company has enough clowns.

"You'd make a great personal assistant, but I'm afraid the job would eat you alive."

The Job Offer

"First time I've ever seen 'humdrum' in a job description."

"I'd love to give up my covid unemployment benefits to come work for you at $12 an hour. . !"

'Your references and job qualifications are excellent. I notice, however, that you've never stayed with any one company for very long!'

Visiting office worker through prison window.