Unemployment Humor Enthusiast Gifts

"I'd love to give up my covid unemployment benefits to come work for you at $12 an hour. . !"

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

"What's your occupation?"

'The boss said things have to improve or my job is going to run out of minutes.'

'You've become run down from working too much. Try sneezing on your boss.'

The ultimate Secret Service demotion. We're sending you to guard Mount Rushmore.

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

Bit of a mix-up. The advert should have said 'Stalactite wanted'

I have an opening for someone like you. It's called a door.

'Can you dance?'

'One good thing about the salary - you won't be liable for income tax.'

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

Will work for question marks.

"The position you've applied for does employ some osmosis."

Not only have we been laid off, but, being small, we can crawl through air ducts with ease.

"I find it admirable that you're so honest about your flaws in your resume. This has just saved the both of us a lot of time."

"I see by your r?sum? that i should have looked at it before inviting you for an interview."

'Can you do shorthand?' - 'I don't know, I've never tried.'

'The destiny of untrained seals'

"This resume appears to cover only the last forty-five minutes."

"You've got the job, but you've got to change your clothes."

'Your work experience, résumé and references are all perfectly adequate...but nothing seems to stand out.'

'Inadequate, insecure, obsessive lacking in empathy or commitment...excellent, when can you start?'

"Give us a few days and we'll call to tell you we've given the job to someone else."

Chook Dentist

"Your job will be to furnish the office with fresh fish on a daily basis."

"And what makes you think you have the necessary qualities for working on the bins?"

'Have you worked at a non-profit before?' 'Yes! and believe it or not, they blamed me!'

"And this is our head of HR who will be arranging your contract."

"We don't think you're cut out to be a 'foot in the door' salesman."

'You'd be right for us if we decide to lower our standards.'

'I told the interviewer that I walked away from a six-figure job. I just left out the part about the security escort.'