Unemployment Humor Lover Gifts

'The destiny of untrained seals'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"What's your occupation?"

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'

'I'm afraid I can't do business with you, Miss Carstairs -- you're just too damned cute.'

"Besides, 'Not working for this crappy company,' where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

Bit of a mix-up. The advert should have said 'Stalactite wanted'

I have an opening for someone like you. It's called a door.

'Can you dance?'

'One good thing about the salary - you won't be liable for income tax.'

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

'It's a grueling job that requires a strong commitment and personal sacrifice. Is your mother available?'

"The position you've applied for does employ some osmosis."

Not only have we been laid off, but, being small, we can crawl through air ducts with ease.

Will work for question marks.

"I see by your r?sum? that i should have looked at it before inviting you for an interview."

'Your work experience, résumé and references are all perfectly adequate...but nothing seems to stand out.'

"Give us a few days and we'll call to tell you we've given the job to someone else."

'Inadequate, insecure, obsessive lacking in empathy or commitment...excellent, when can you start?'

"And this is our head of HR who will be arranging your contract."

'We were getting along fine and then she wanted me to get a job.'

'Tell me why you want to work here. Tell me why anyone would want to work here.'

'I told the interviewer that I walked away from a six-figure job. I just left out the part about the security escort.'

'You'd be right for us if we decide to lower our standards.'

'Have you worked at a non-profit before?' 'Yes! and believe it or not, they blamed me!'

"And what makes you think you have the necessary qualities for working on the bins?"

"I'd love to give up my covid unemployment benefits to come work for you at $12 an hour. . !"

"Well, I made you a job offer and you accepted. I guess the only thing left is for me to read you your Miranda rights."

'You do realize that this isn't going to look good on my resume?'

"Sorry, but we're looking for someone with more experience."

Maternity Ward Door Sign - 'Push, push, push'

'Leadership abilities? Well I was the first to resign from the LAST place I worked!'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'Those who can't hunt, gather -- those who can't hunt OR gather, teach.'