Unemployment Humor Lover Gifts

'The destiny of untrained seals'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"What's your occupation?"

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'

The ultimate Secret Service demotion. We're sending you to guard Mount Rushmore.

'I'm afraid I can't do business with you, Miss Carstairs -- you're just too damned cute.'

"Besides, 'Not working for this crappy company,' where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

Bit of a mix-up. The advert should have said 'Stalactite wanted'

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

I have an opening for someone like you. It's called a door.

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

'Can you dance?'

'One good thing about the salary - you won't be liable for income tax.'

'It's a grueling job that requires a strong commitment and personal sacrifice. Is your mother available?'

"The position you've applied for does employ some osmosis."

Not only have we been laid off, but, being small, we can crawl through air ducts with ease.

Will work for question marks.

"I see by your r?sum? that i should have looked at it before inviting you for an interview."

'Your work experience, résumé and references are all perfectly adequate...but nothing seems to stand out.'

"Give us a few days and we'll call to tell you we've given the job to someone else."

'Inadequate, insecure, obsessive lacking in empathy or commitment...excellent, when can you start?'

"And what makes you think you have the necessary qualities for working on the bins?"

'We were getting along fine and then she wanted me to get a job.'

'I told the interviewer that I walked away from a six-figure job. I just left out the part about the security escort.'

'You'd be right for us if we decide to lower our standards.'

'Have you worked at a non-profit before?' 'Yes! and believe it or not, they blamed me!'

'Tell me why you want to work here. Tell me why anyone would want to work here.'

"And this is our head of HR who will be arranging your contract."

"I'd love to give up my covid unemployment benefits to come work for you at $12 an hour. . !"

"Well, I made you a job offer and you accepted. I guess the only thing left is for me to read you your Miranda rights."

'You do realize that this isn't going to look good on my resume?'

"Sorry, but we're looking for someone with more experience."

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'This sounds promising... 'Help wanted: Live Bait'...'

'Leadership abilities? Well I was the first to resign from the LAST place I worked!'