Unemployment Humor Lovers Gifts

"I had to let my snail go after I lost my job."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

"You calm down."

THE REPORT: Some of this is brilliant, but that can be fixed.

"Any further comments? Alright then, we're adjourned."

'Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until next Monday?'

"The meeting was canceled after an outbreak of contagious yawning!"

"We're still the same, great company we've always been, only we've ceased to exist."

'Whomever pulls the sword from the stone will lead this project.'

'He refused to climb the ladder without a safety net.'

'You were fired from your last job when they caught you putting artificial sweetener in your coffee.'

"I'm sorry, but Fred isn't available. He's spending a few days in the penalty box for not being a good team player. May I help you?"

"Sorry, coffee is delivered by a union shop and you banned all things union."

'I know that you think you should be the President of this company, Your Majesty. But, you'll just have to work your way up, like I did!'

"We like to think of ourselves as a very progressive company. After all, a little self-delusion never hurt anyone."

"Is that legal? Can the old man force me to take a performance-enhancing drug."

'Well, why didn't you say you wanted the office to be functional?'

Harvesting the folder crop in Manila

Welcome Bureaucrats! (Convention of bureaucrats).

'Of course I can spell -- I just can't spell conventionally.'

The modern sheriff.

The ultimate Secret Service demotion. We're sending you to guard Mount Rushmore.

"I just love these casual fridays."

Fancy Interfacing with you here.

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'

"I'd like you to meet our director of scratch-and-sniff advertising."

'It's lonely at the top.'

'I understand the concept, sir, but I think I'd do better if it were a donut.'

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

'Of course, Mr. Handley here is the one who does all the hiring and firing.'

'Sorry to disappoint you, your salary increase was a computer error'

"Hey, at least you got a severance package."