Unemployment Humor Gifts

'-but I wasn't expecting anything THAT quickly!'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"What's your occupation?"

"There's another one of those blokes that work from home."

'Jenkins, about these coffee breaks of yours...'

What do you think of the application so far?

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

Thinking outside the box.

'Sorry to interrupt, but what's a coffee break?'

'I'm afraid he's a bit tied up right now'

"You'll be allowed to work from home two days a week... Saturday and Sunday."

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

Economy - 'And this is where you took the day off to watch the cricket.'

'Andrews, a parking space will be assigned to you in a day or two.'

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

'As a consultant, my job is to speak to you as if I knew how your business worked.'

I was awake all last night. Me, too. I'm exhausted. Ditto!! Thank heavens for work. And for today's staff meeting! It's the only place I can sleep!

"You have to understand Johnson, the most important thing is not how much time you spend at work...But how much of that time you spend brown nosing me!"

"Oh yes, I'm very adept at using office machines. I can operate soda machines, candy machines, coffee machines..."

'Well... I guess it's time to look for a new job...'

'Can you dance?'

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

Friendly greeting machine.

"Sir, are all these compliments and this reminiscing about my time here leading up to my termination?"

New To The Job: Pizza Delivery Guy

'I've had a hard day at the office. It's not easy working other people's fingers to the bone!'

Will work for question marks.

"I see by your r?sum? that i should have looked at it before inviting you for an interview."

"We've got three issues to discuss: our green office waste initiative, the fuzzy Saxby account figures, and that thing in the refrigerator, which is both green and fuzzy."

'The destiny of untrained seals'

Not only have we been laid off, but, being small, we can crawl through air ducts with ease.

Well the good news is that you'll be leading the team...And the BAD news...you ARE the team!

'Your work experience, résumé and references are all perfectly adequate...but nothing seems to stand out.'

'Inadequate, insecure, obsessive lacking in empathy or commitment...excellent, when can you start?'