Job Humor Enthusiast Gifts

"Sorry, but we're looking for someone with more experience."

I have an opening for someone like you. It's called a door.

"A banker? Can you make a living at that?"

Superior Salesman Required - I believe their products are rubbish.

"The level of turnover is making recruitment harder than we anticipated...."

'How do you expect me to take a week off work - I haven't had a job in 10 years?'

Cookie Benefit Analysis

'One good thing about the salary - you won't be liable for income tax.'

'Those who can't hunt, gather -- those who can't hunt OR gather, teach.'

'Leadership abilities? Well I was the first to resign from the LAST place I worked!'

'We're sorry. Not everyone is cut out to be a Wal-Mart Greeter.'

"The position you've applied for does employ some osmosis."

"Any other job skills besides whistling while you work?"

"Why hire me? Because I have a passion for selling toilet cleansers."

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

'I don't know what he does, but I'm afraid to ask.'

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

'Gerald, it's so nice to see you finally getting closer to your employees.'

Gary misread the new policy on 'Free Thinking' in the work place.

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

Indecision and Outrage Trays

'I fetch, but it hasn't helped my career any.'

"There's another one of those blokes that work from home."

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

Earl suspends his disbelief.

"Oh, I can be dependable, and for another £200 a week, I can be productive too."

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

While you were out... the whole office talked about you.

'I wouldn't worry about the retirement plan. You'd have to be out of your mind to work here that long.'