Workplace Humor Enthusiast Gifts

Giving Feedback

"By the way, while you were off sick yesterday, we identified the bottleneck."

"Try to be more like Mary. Mary's a real team player."

"We take a very hands-off approach in management. Particularly when it comes to employee theft."

'You are this week's top person on the team pyramid.'

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

"Why do we keep trying?""Because we need purpose..."

'Would you prefer a quick termination or a slow, painful phaseout?'

'I'm giving you a praise. It's not a raise but it will look good on your evaluation.'

'...need to design something to bridge the generation gap.'

'As the intern, it'll be your job to work for free.'

A gangster moves papers from the 'bada-bing' box to the 'bada-boom' box.

"And this chart tracks the self-appraisal ratings since we started hiring millennials."

"You've had enough 'monkey see,' Edwards. We want some 'monkey do.'"

'The NHS believes in a carrot and stick approach to motivation...'

Indecision and Outrage Trays

'Fantastic job, Darryl! Y-yes! You have placed that stamp most expertly on that envelope! Well done! Well done! We all deeply appreciate your extraordinary effort!'

Using mirrors to make up for the staff shortage.

"If working from home isn't an option I'm willing to just stay there and do nothing."

'On this final point we cannot negotiate...no more smooth jazz in the break room.'

'OK, good. I just wanted to be sure you were still on top of it.'

Warning! The machinery at this plant is old & dangerous! Work here at risk of life and limb - OSHA: 'Sorry, but we only hire illiterates!'

'It's a fake. But all the hanging around the water cooler is down 37%!'

'I'm looking for someone who can take on great responsibility and make executive decisions and be willing to start at the minimum wage.'

'Not a problem. On what they pay us, I can't afford lunch.'

Boss - New employees flourish when we treat them like mushrooms...keep 'em in the dark and feed 'em lots of manure...

"Hey, this drop-in slot is painted on!"

'I always encourage employees to think for themselves, as long as they think what I tell them.'

Clocking in - Bull and Matador.

"If our work processes aren't meeting the customers needs, then we have to bring our customers in line!"

'I'm concerned you might bail.'

While you were out... the whole office talked about you.

Accident free button gives an electric shock.

With absolutely no warning, Phil crossed the fine line separating business from pleasure and was never heard from again.

'Here's some more projects...keep up the good work until you're fired.'