Workplace Humor Lovers Gifts

'And this is one of our clients...er I mean service users, no I mean...'

Tower crane operator playing with yo yo.

Safety is number one

The Contract Culture: 'Jump.'

Great Moments in Civil Rights

Simmons, I know Fridays are casual days, but...

'My trick for avoiding extra work is to look busy all the time...'

40 Years Service Awards - How many years did you ACTUALLY work here?

'Know what I miss?...telling employees they can't have a raise.'

Corporate Ladder.

'Sir, I thought we'd discuss that raise.'

"I feel like crap today."

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"That's the last time I'm going to allow politics to be discussed in the office."

"If you could be in any cubicle, which one would it be?"

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tick, tock-tock, tickety-tick tock ….