Workplace Humor Fans Gifts

'Of course it isn't a case of sexual discrimination. We just don't think you're the right man for the job.'

'OK, what's the first thing we need to capture in our Job Safety Analysis?' 'Don't tick off TINY!'

'It's come to my attention that you haven't been sleeping on the job.'

'Its simple: we're the nanotechnology department.'

Personnel,' Possible candidates'-'That'll be the day'.

'So, Mrs Cuckoo, why would I grant you Maternity Leave when we all know you don't raise your own children?'

Group of people.

"Have you prepared any other questions apart from 'Where is the nearest restroom'?"

"Don't you understand, the management training is focussed on how to stop bullying, not how to do it."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"If you could be in any cubicle, which one would it be?"

Food Chain, Inc: 'UP...DOWN'.

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"Yes, I saw the obituary. So, is that why you weren't in yesterday?"

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'