Fans Of Workplace Humor Gifts

Maybe you'd get more work done if you uninstalled that fish tank screensaver.'

'And what sentence do you see yourself serving in five years?'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

Dog's In Tray and Out Tray

'I don't know what he does, but I'm afraid to ask.'

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

"Your taxes,pension and health deductions have exceeded your wages - here's your bill."

"Greetings, Earthling - Are you a worker or a drone?"

'Gerald, it's so nice to see you finally getting closer to your employees.'

"'Tis but a scratch — in America, I'd still have to go in for work today."

Gary misread the new policy on 'Free Thinking' in the work place.

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

Indecision and Outrage Trays

Earl suspends his disbelief.

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

"Frankly, we’re concerned about your checkered past."

Bureaucrats held up by the workers.

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

"Oh, I can be dependable, and for another £200 a week, I can be productive too."

'I fetch, but it hasn't helped my career any.'

Giving feedback is a complex process.

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

"I'm so glad you decided to participate in our Money for Employment program."

While you were out... the whole office talked about you.

'I wouldn't worry about the retirement plan. You'd have to be out of your mind to work here that long.'