Fans Of Workplace Comedy Gifts

'If Mr. Biggley asks if you made a splash on your recent trip, just humor him.'

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"I appreciate the effort Carl, but I don't think you understand the swarm concept."

"'Tis but a scratch — in America, I'd still have to go in for work today."

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

"I may need you to take the fall for the Swanson mess. So, goeth with pride."

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

"You might need to remind Mrs. Sanders it's 'bring your DAUGHTER to work' day."

"I'm sorry, but Fred isn't available. He's spending a few days in the penalty box for not being a good team player. May I help you?"

Group of people.

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

"My boss said I have narcolepsy. She could have waited to tell me after I woke up."

'I know that you think you should be the President of this company, Your Majesty. But, you'll just have to work your way up, like I did!'

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

'I'm on the way to a meeting. Go back to whatever you weren't doing.'

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."

'Miss Barnes, cancel my appointments. If I start swimming now, I can be back in the office in a few weeks.'

'You do a fine job guarding the place, we just need you to shed less.'

Unfortunately, Lyle had already sent nasty e-mails to his boss, three vice-presidents and the CEO.

"Most people would jump at an opportunity like this."

'I talk the talk but I don't walk the walk.'

'Its simple: we're the nanotechnology department.'

'I put Wilson on your project and last I heard he was all over it!'

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

'Mind if I head off a little early today?'

'I don't want just a bunch of 'yes' men around here! Hire a couple of women!'