Workplace Comedy Lovers Gifts

"Cushman, we've decided to take you off of Sales and put you on unemployment."

"This whole 'carrying 20 times our own weight' is killing my sciatica."

We're going to have to let you go. Consistance with standard accounting procedures, we will give you a severence package and an honorable discharge

'Dear Sir. Not much a letter, is it?'

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

'It's settled then. Your people will meet with my people if they ever get me any people.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"I appreciate the effort Carl, but I don't think you understand the swarm concept."

'What can I do to create a climate where things get done?'

"'Tis but a scratch — in America, I'd still have to go in for work today."

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

'Here's your workplace. You will find out company is not big on CCTV cameras or punch clocks.'

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

"I may need you to take the fall for the Swanson mess. So, goeth with pride."

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

Two doctors holding hands

"You might need to remind Mrs. Sanders it's 'bring your DAUGHTER to work' day."

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

"I'm sorry, but Fred isn't available. He's spending a few days in the penalty box for not being a good team player. May I help you?"

'Our goal is for you to successfully transition to your new job before retirement age.'

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"