Office Comedy Lovers Gifts

'How can a man jump out of a window if the damned window can't be opened?'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

'I hate leaving work when I feel I could have delegated more.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

'What's wrong now?'

'Does your mother know you keep a messy office?'

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

'I'm sure he was a great guy, but there's a new Pharaoh in town.'

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

'You earned this corner office by cutting corners...'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'You can drop all the hints you like, Jones. We're not buying you a computer.'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"I made money the old fashioned way. I inherited it."

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

My brilliant career

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.