Office Comedy Fans Gifts

"Hockersmith & Associates. May we help you?"

Department of Counter-Intelligence. Department of Counter-Stupidity.

'You're in luck. We have lots of calls for security guards.'

'According to the assessment you are slow, incompetent, and you have a tendency to lose documents. . . That is why we like to offer you a job as an invoice processor.'

'I'll get back to you... I seem to have misplaced your folder...'

'Well, Mr. Seigal, what are we filing a claim for?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

Can do...No can do

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"I can motivate everyone except myself."

He was destined for greatness. Whatever that meant.

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

The Rubber Ball Company

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

Organization is not rocket science!

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

'Marsha, did you file the Peterson account on the cumulus, stratus, cirrus, or nimbus cloud?'