Office Comedy Enthusiasts Gifts

'There were a lot of highly qualified applicants, but I was particularly impressed by your resume.'

"Are you a yes man or a no man?"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

"The meeting will come to order."

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"Morning, all!"