Workplace Comedy Enthusiasts Gifts

"'Tis but a scratch — in America, I'd still have to go in for work today."

"That had to be the worst job performance review I've ever had."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

'What's wrong now?'

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

Another day at work would be one too many...

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'So what do you think of my report, sir?'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

'I know it's a bit unusual, but that's where he gets all the best ideas.'

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

'You did turn the company around... but we liked it the way it was...'

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 58% more cheerful within 18 months.

'Well, I must say I never thought team-building exercises could be such fun.'

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

Unto thee shall pass the executive laser pointer. Take this authority and delegate it.

'No, they're not my children. They gave me these for doing a good job at work.'

'I hear you got your increase.' - 'Yes, that proves my theory, if you whine enough, you get anything you want.'

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'